We were hoistin’ a few at the tavern
As the eve was about to expire
Whence a few furtive words from the barkeep,
“Say, I hear that Kathleen’s a vampire.”
“You’re a pretty straight guy,” said the barkeep,
“But that’s nothing that I need to tell you.
Pray tell me, since I really wonder
How such a fate came to befell her?
“Well, Kathleen said she hankered for changes,”
Then I took a few sips of my brew,
“So she packed up her bags and small Steffi,
And off to the west coast she flew.
“She said, ‘I must needs be a writer,
And on this new career I’ll embark.’
Then one morn in the shadow of Mt Hood,
She spied a young cowboy named Clark.
“This Clark he was quite a fine fellow
And Kathleen didn’t have to think twice
When he brokenly sobbed his confession
That he secretly grooved on Anne Rice.
“Then a vampire I’ll be,” she asserted,
And with that her heart started to thud
As she gathered her pencils and paper
And started to think thoughts of blood.
“So the cowboy and vampire conspired
To create a story quite tellable.
In fact for a real happy ending,
It even turned out to be sellable.
“Now they have created a family;
Clark, Kathleen, little Steffers and Rex.
Though their friends and acquaintances still take
Just precautions to cover their necks.
The bartender gazed at my wearily.
The he tucked both his thumbs in his vest.
“To hell with Potomac delusions,
I’ll just make a new start in the west.”
Written by Eileen McFall, 1999