I dread the thought of the approaching cold and flu season. I’m not a germaphobe, nor do my kind get “sick.” Humans dragging around lethargically, sneezing and sniffling and oozing mucous is enough to turn one’s stomach, but the reason I despise this time of year is because the blood of the sick tastes awful. Like a corky wine. Like compost and old mushrooms.

That’s why the flu panics leave vampires cold. The thought of a world full of pitiful, constantly whining and almost inedible blood sausages is enough to send a chill down my spine. I was reminded of the awful Spanish influenza outbreak of 1918 when we almost starved. Not literally, of course. But we certainly fed less … and less enthusiastically. Pure, untainted blood was hard to come by in those days when one in five humans was nursing a distasteful flu virus.

Luckily for us, World War One was going on in the background. Like no other war, the Great War offered a veritable buffet of meals served up fresh every day. For four glorious years, the Western Front especially was an endless smorgasbord of shattered lives numb, and delicious, with fright and shattered limbs leaking fresh blood into the mud. Or into the mouths of the hungry and delighted.

Too escape the cruel tyranny of the Spanish Flu, many of us moved closer to the front where we were basically free to roam No Man’s land like starving shadows, immune to the bullets and bombs and political aspirations of our meals.

The only danger we really faced in those heady days was overfeeding and collapsing drowsy in a trench just before dawn. We lost quite a few to their own greediness and the misguided efforts of the meat wagon attendants. Clumsy oafs dragged temporary corpses with wicked grins into the sunlight only to see them burst into flames. Some enemy trick, they assumed …

Ah, the glories of war, wholesale slaughter of our preferred meal. Fear certainly adds a spicy kick to the blood we crave – it’s the endorphins. But even the purest terror isn’t not enough to hide the musty taste of sick. The only condition that comes close is diabetes. It makes the blood even sweeter. Like a dessert wine. Like a nice Riesling, oozing apricots overtones with a citrus aroma and plasma.

So please, do your best to stay healthy this winter. Get lots of sleep, eat well – fruits and veggies – and exercise every day. If you can’t do that, at least go completely in the other direction. Become inactive and, hopefully, diabetic. The urge for a sweet treat can strike at the most unexpected times.продвижение сайта топ 5