I read about the Neanderthal diet and came close to smiling — a rare occurrence I can assure you. The study, in some armchair journal of science, posits that since Neanderthals ate mostly meat and whole fruits and grains and, since their genetic material figures largely in the composition of modern humans, it would make sense to follow those dietary guidelines. I suppose there’s some merit to that, but the funny part was that I was on the Neanderthal diet once – and by that I mean I ate a diet of primarily Neanderthals.

My kind has been around for a long time.

Of course, this was all thirty of forty thousand years ago and the details are a bit vague. Mostly feelings and flashes of joyous savagery. l do remember that they were delicious. So strong and robust, such fighters – at least compared to Homo sapiens with your feeble bodies and feebler minds.

We weren’t exactly thoughtful in those days either — mostly fangs and hunger — which is why, regretfully, Neanderthals were hunted to extinction. Some of our historians point to that sad day as providing the impetus for planning and reason, that we instinctively realized natural resources were not finite and had to act accordingly. Somewhere along the line, we began to reason and one of the things we learned is that we needed a way to capture our thoughts, and so writing was created – and promptly stolen by conniving humans.

I’ve grown bored — a dangerous symptom of immortality — and decided to transfer all of my journals to a computer. It’s not as easy as you might think. As far as I can tell, there’s no “cuneiform to English” translation software. Most of my clay tablets are crumbling and the papyrus scrolls are turned to dust.

Journaling may seem like some pedestrian form of narcissism, but to the long undead, with our vast memories, we learned long ago why it’s imperative to chronicle the self. For the mortal and the always dying, you struggle to preserve who you were even while you still are; there’s little enough you can experience worth passing along and you are quite content to leave your problems for the next generation to solve. We are not the fortunate. Time is irrelevant and we must always look to ourselves for solutions.

All that talk of Neanderthals has me feeling a bit peckish now, and in the mood for something that can put up a good fight. I think I’ll check out the 24 hour gym and find myself a modern caveman for dinner.оптимизация для интернет магазина