Reporter from Bite Club: Joining us today from the pages of “The Cowboy and the Vampire” is Elita, an extremely influential and powerful Vampire — and drop dead (sometimes literally) gorgeous, she’s been around for thousands of years, but doesn’t look a day over 300.

Hi Elita, welcome. Can you tell our readers a little bit about yourself?

Yes. I’m a Vampire. And I don’t like interviews.

Any chance you could a few more details?

(Sighing). Fine. I was born, hatched actually, so long ago that I can barely remember the early centuries. Mostly it’s just a delicious blur of feasting on humans and avoiding the sun. Some of my first concrete — or rather, sandstone — memories are of life in Egypt as the pyramids were built. It is worth pointing out to your readers that I am of the Reptilian line, not to be confused with the half-human mongrels of Royal line, or the Messianic line as they like to boast. Little more than a genetic quirk that arose some 2,000 years ago. I should have strangled them all when I had the chance.

How is it you have stayed alive all these many years when Vampires are so vulnerable during the day when you are dead?

Vampires are cunning, capable of planning for the future in ways your abbreviated minds — a function of your abbreviated lives — cannot comprehend. And we are adept at exploiting your many weaknesses. Centuries ago we very purposefully helped instill a fear of the dead — necrophobia — in your human ancestors so that you would be reluctant to disturb dead bodies, a fear that was carried forward generation by generation. It was laughably easy to terrorize a few cultures and to establish death cults in a few others.

Also, humans are greedy and short-sighted, willing to trade almost anything for power and sex. We have access to both. Many of us choose to cultivate consorts willing to watch over us in exchange for certain favors. It is much like developing a bond with a loyal dog.

It’s not a perfect system of course and even Vampires can make mistakes. Body bags have been very helpful. On those rare occasions a Vampire is found in the daylight hours, the body is carefully sealed up in a protective bag and safely wheeled into some air conditioned morgue. A few short hours later, as long we haven’t been too disassembled by busy hands, we arise ready for a night on the town none the worse for wear.

Speaking of consorts, you are strikingly, almost uncomfortably beautiful. You must have some interesting relationship stories to tell.

Vampires do not have the same sorts of relationships as humans. We are bound by very few social mores. With the exception of those high minded Messianic Vampires, most of us live for the sake of pleasure. Among our own kind, sex flows freely like the blood from our prey, we enjoy sexual pleasure and satisfy it freely with others of our own kind as the mood strikes, regardless of gender and with no concept of partner or lover. As for you humans, delicate little Adamites, evolution has equipped us to be highly desirable to your kind, able to seduce almost anyone of at any time to suit our needs. And I assure you, those needs are terminal.

Scary. What’s like to see history unfolding for all these years?

Mostly boring. You humans have such a high opinion of yourselves. Thinking your monuments and advances are unrivalled and exceptional. It’s quaint really. Imagine watching a tribe of monkeys fussing over a hill of twigs and then preening and crowing about it. Despite your enthusiasm, it is all but a quick march into the grave for each of you. Vampires, long-lived, know that true advances are made in the mind. It has been fun to take advantage of certain situations along the way. However, some of your advances in technology have been useful. Airplanes have certainly helped globalize the Vampire community. Automobiles make it so easy to get around. Safe rooms protect us from prying eyes and the sun like never before. But best of all, medical advances and more reliable access to clean water and food have contributed to a population explosion of humans. The world is an endless and ever-growing buffet and you taste better than ever before. Healthier.

You are really stunningly attractive.

Is that a question?

I guess not. What is your opinion of Elizabeth Vaughn, the new queen of the Vampires?

She is annoying. Self-righteous. Untested. Ultimately doomed. I sense great power in her, but her ridiculous cleaving to her human cowboy lover leaves her weak and vulnerable. And draws the scorn of both Messianic and Reptilian Vampires alike.

And Tucker, her cowboy lover?

Filled with a foolish pride as if king of some great fortune. Tucker is surprisingly resilient though. Like a cockroach. I’ve tried to kill him twice, unsuccessfully. That rarely happens. He seems quite bent on protecting Elizabeth Vaughn and motivated by what you call love, what I might call a derangement of already precarious sense. He and that traveling flea circus of a dog of his, I hate them both.

I may have mentioned that you are quite beautiful. With your raven hair and creamy skin. Is the room getting hotter? I feel dizzy.

I think we should conclude this interview and get some fresh night air, some place private where maybe I can grab a bite.

Don’t you mean “we” can grab a bite?

Yes of course. We.

This character interview with Elita first appeared at the Bite Club book blog.

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