Sadly, vampire physiology is not conducive to recreational drug use. I’ve made my peace with it though, and there are definitely tradeoffs. During the day when we are dead, we enter another world and the experience is exquisite. Until you’ve experienced the Meta, you’ve never really been high.

I hope you won’t think me too petulant, though, that I still begrudge you your little chemical vacations. For the undead, it would take a suitcase full of marijuana, a five-gallon bucket of a methamphetamine or truckload of vodka a to make much of a dent in our perception — and believe me, I’ve tried.Blame it on our ridiculously effective immune systems. Diseases, infections, gunshot wounds, amputations … we can heal from almost anything. It’s little wonder that psychotropic chemical compounds are washed out in a heartbeat or two.

It certainly never hurts to try, though, especially when we are trying to blend in with our pill-popping, gin-guzzling prey (you, dears), which is why my kind can so often be found washing down handfuls of ecstasy tabs or some other chemical appetizer with gallons of liquor. It’s a lost cause though; our bodies can purge heroin from our systems faster than we can inject it.

As tediously gauche as it sounds, sometimes we just want to be “normal.” And by normal, I mean possessing the ability to alter our senses while they are still firmly embedded in our bodies. And by we I mean the weak among the undead, those sparkly newly turned children who really never left high school.

I know what you are thinking. When you have the keen vision, acute smell and blood logic that can sense a meal through a cement wall a mile away, why would you want to alter those senses? From time to time, boredom gets the better even of the undead. When you are used to being nature’s most efficient predator, always tuned in to the next kill or the next orgasm, the thought of relaxing, of letting your guard down for a little while is quite appealing, so I’m told.

Vampires try (unsuccessfully) to use drugs because we tire of being perfect. Humans use drugs because you are weak minded and unable to accept the meaninglessness of your petty little lives. And that’s fair. You should seek to escape from your lives. You should try harder and stay stoned all the time (but don’t do the bath salts, they make your blood taste like aluminum foil).

It’s petty, I know, to boast about all this, because the meaning you all so desperately seek in your drugs and your alcohol and your religion is something we tap into every single day — the Meta.

You’ve never heard of it, I’m sure, and that’s fine. The Meta is like a giant energy field where consciousness of all species congregate. During the night, each of us tap into that part of the Meta that is uniquely us and channel that energy as a sense of self. When we die each dawn, we release that energy back into the Meta, our consciousness is thus released from corporeal limits. This daily existence in the Meta keeps our brains in a near-constant state of arousal and enlightenment.

That big gaping hole in your lives that you constantly try to fill with pharmaceuticals? It’s the exact shape and size of the Meta (in other words, infinite).

The funny part (not ha-ha funny; more like aren’t you adorably naïve and ready to be opened like a crimson piñata) is that humans can access the Meta too. It’s not easy. It requires meditation and practice. I’ve met holy men and women — humans — who made the metaphysical journey to the Meta and returned filled with a peace and certainty and wisdom. They were very calm when I drained their blood because they knew exactly where they were bound.

There are other ways to visit the Meta, of course —namely, near death experiences. That tunnel of light the survivors always talk about? It’s real. I travel through it every dawn. The presence of others, friends and family? Well, kind of real. They are all just threads of energy woven through the Meta, but you can untangle them sometimes. The sense of peace and belonging? Utterly real. Death really is the ultimate high and after journeying to the Meta every day for centuries, I suppose I am a junkie.

You really should try it. I can’t help with the meditation, it takes years, but I am certainly willing to help readers get very, very close to death through exsanguination. Close and possibly a little bit beyond. I’ve never had much in terms of self-control.

I guess it’s just as well that your drugs don’t have much of an effect on me. I could so easily become addicted. And one addiction is enough. Speaking of that, I’m thinking about crashing a midnight meditation group and opening a few chakras.раскрутка сайта